It's Friday!!
Currently my least favorite day of the week. I know, I know, college-student blasphemy, right? Well, besides the fact that I'm a recent nonalcoholic, so Friday no longer means means partying*, for all of those in the twitastic tworld of twitter, Friday means #FF. The first few times I saw that particular hashtag, I had no clue what it meant. For a while I actually thought it was supposed to be the start of a "FFFFUUUU-" joke or something. Which, given the context of the tweets, made just about 0 sense. Once I took that shameful n00b step of looking it up on Urban Dictionary, I found out the sad truth. FF is follow Friday. Which means I get these random useless tweets full of usernames I don't give a shit about every week. Yaaaay!! Yes, because following the Daily Show and its writers clearly is a sign that I also want to follow fashion blogs, corporate accounts, and people whose Twitter accounts do nothing but promote themselves.
Let me be clear here. I am not exactly a habitual Tweeter. I don't use hashtags in normal conversation, I don't automatically know how much of a quote can fit into 140 letters, and I don't give a shit about your craving for Chipotle or the kind of funny thing that your friend said that you really just had to be there for. In fact, the fact that "#hadtobethere" is a thing just perplexes me to no end. Really the only reason I even have a Twitter account is because I have discovered that there are a number of professional comedians who pretty much exclusively tweet great one-liners or links to other hilarious stuff. Those are the only people I follow. Even any good comedian (besides Stephen Colbert, cause his is worth it) who uses their Twitter to promote themselves or one of their events more than once or twice a month, I will not follow. If you're a comedian and you won't me to like you, be funny. That's is literally ALL it takes. Hashtagging your own name and linking to your Ticketmaster page every other day will NOT increase your fanbase.
For me, Twitter is just a much funnier, more rounded procrastination tool than textsfromlastnight. I don't even really ever tweet. I kinda just started to today, and the idea is weirding me out.
Twitter is one of those few technologies that makes me feel old. I'm fucking 19, and somehow I feel too old for Twitter. A 19 year old should NOT have technologies that make then feel old. The only technologies I should be too old for are Baby Einstein videos and autotuning in preteen pop music.**
But I honestly feel like an old retiree shouting over my hearing aid, "YOU WHIPPERSNAPPERS, I DON'T KNOW WHAT A TWEET IS, BUT IT BETTER STAY OFF MY LAWN!!"
I just don't see the novel appeal of finding things about your life to communicate that are so banal they fit into 140 characters or less. Or in reading it. I just did the math, and if this blog post were done in tweets, then right now I would be up to 21 tweets. And I've still said essentially nothing of significance! I don't know, maybe I'm just not concise enough for the modern world. I still need grammar and the ability to bolden, footnote, and italicize where most people today can make it with nothing but abbreviations.
Alright, let me test myself, and try to sum up this whole post in Twitter limit:
#FF has ruined my Fridays. I do not care who you follow. I just want to read funny shit. 140 characters is not enough for me. Fuck twitter.
Sweet. Perfect grammar and 1 character to spare! Maybe I can do this after all...
*I actually accidentally switched the words Friday and partying when typing that at first. That's what life used to be.
**Really you had to see that coming, in a post all about Fridays. (Also, has this become this year's rickrolling yet? Cause it is SO much worse. Rebeccarolling needs to be a thing.)
Thursday, July 28, 2011
OhMyGod, New Blog!
It's a lovely summer day, work's on break, I just finished my summer class, and (most importantly) all my usual shows are on hiatus. So, after years of mocking the "bloggers" who feel the need to share their every mental fart--and actual fart, for that matter--with the general public, I'm using this free time to start my own blog! Get excited!
I would like to maintain that I am still not labeling myself as a blogger. I am a hopeful writer who needs a forum to pressure myself into keeping up with my writing. I am a wannabe comedian who wants to test out potential laughs. I still haven't decided entirely what form this blog will take. It might be mostly excited rants and raves, it might be random lists that occur to me, jokes about news articles I find, or just occasional one-liners that pop into my head. Who knows? Join me on the ride, why don't you? And have patience while I work on getting into a stride with it. It might, like most of my usual endeavors, start out a bit awkward and chaotic before starting to make any sort of sense (ahem, reference to my sex life? not at all...).
I'm setting just a few ground rules for myself with this though. I could just keep them to myself, but I'm choosing to post them here so I can't start breaking them in my inevitable slide towards douchey bloggerdom without at least a tinge of guilt. So here they go:
1. Never use any form of the phrase "my dear readers." At best, this is presumptuous, assuming that anyone will care to regularly read my ramblings. And at worst, considering I haven't decided yet whether to actually work on publicizing this, it's bordering on schizophrenic and creepily talking to myself. Plus, it's just kind of douchey.
2. The word "Blogosphere" is verboten, even ironically. I hate this word. I cringe everytime I hear it. I think it's because it sounds like some outer layer of the earth's atmosphere, suggesting some amount of skill or useful assets necessary to reach it. That is the opposite of the so-called blogosphere. I don't want to support any delusions that blogging suggests any sort of accomplishment.
3. Details of my personal life will be kept to a minimum. This is not a diary, a Facebook or Twitter account, or an autobiography. I don't want to brag about personal accomplishments or expose any of my friends or foes. This one is more of a guideline than a rule, since some mention of my personal life will be unavoidable. But generally it should only come in when I have something "funny" to say about it, or it's necessary to explain something else.
... I think that's it for rules. Wow, two and a half rules, I really have no self-discipline, do I? Oh well, I'm too inclined to breakage for rules to last anyways.
Oh, well, off to change the baby's diaper now before it stinks up the whole house.
(Spontaneous addendum to rule 3. I will randomly place falsehoods about my personal life to counteract the accidental details and throw off any potential stalkers. Oh yeah, I'm optimistic about my coming fanbase.)
I would like to maintain that I am still not labeling myself as a blogger. I am a hopeful writer who needs a forum to pressure myself into keeping up with my writing. I am a wannabe comedian who wants to test out potential laughs. I still haven't decided entirely what form this blog will take. It might be mostly excited rants and raves, it might be random lists that occur to me, jokes about news articles I find, or just occasional one-liners that pop into my head. Who knows? Join me on the ride, why don't you? And have patience while I work on getting into a stride with it. It might, like most of my usual endeavors, start out a bit awkward and chaotic before starting to make any sort of sense (ahem, reference to my sex life? not at all...).
I'm setting just a few ground rules for myself with this though. I could just keep them to myself, but I'm choosing to post them here so I can't start breaking them in my inevitable slide towards douchey bloggerdom without at least a tinge of guilt. So here they go:
1. Never use any form of the phrase "my dear readers." At best, this is presumptuous, assuming that anyone will care to regularly read my ramblings. And at worst, considering I haven't decided yet whether to actually work on publicizing this, it's bordering on schizophrenic and creepily talking to myself. Plus, it's just kind of douchey.
2. The word "Blogosphere" is verboten, even ironically. I hate this word. I cringe everytime I hear it. I think it's because it sounds like some outer layer of the earth's atmosphere, suggesting some amount of skill or useful assets necessary to reach it. That is the opposite of the so-called blogosphere. I don't want to support any delusions that blogging suggests any sort of accomplishment.
3. Details of my personal life will be kept to a minimum. This is not a diary, a Facebook or Twitter account, or an autobiography. I don't want to brag about personal accomplishments or expose any of my friends or foes. This one is more of a guideline than a rule, since some mention of my personal life will be unavoidable. But generally it should only come in when I have something "funny" to say about it, or it's necessary to explain something else.
... I think that's it for rules. Wow, two and a half rules, I really have no self-discipline, do I? Oh well, I'm too inclined to breakage for rules to last anyways.
Oh, well, off to change the baby's diaper now before it stinks up the whole house.
(Spontaneous addendum to rule 3. I will randomly place falsehoods about my personal life to counteract the accidental details and throw off any potential stalkers. Oh yeah, I'm optimistic about my coming fanbase.)
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